A Month Is All I Got.

One month.
4 weeks.
30 days.
730 hours.
A full free trial for Netflix.

Whatever way you may relate to "one months time" as, that is surprisingly all the time I have left here in this beautiful city, my home away from home since September. I could say it's crazy, absurd or absolutely nuts that it's almost time to get back on that plane to Boston, but none of those expressions truly exemplify how I feel about how fast this experience has gone by. The weird thing about it all is I don't know if I'm ready to leave. Of course I'm missing my family, my dog, my car and some great American food, but there's something about this laid back/carefree lifestyle that I'm just not ready to give up. Coming over here I wasn't expecting anything. I decided for the first time in my life I was going to simply "go with the flow," a concept that was a bit hard for me to grasp. After a few weeks of being here I began realizing certain situations would be thrown my way and my first reaction was not to panic and overthink, but take it as it was and problem solve with a calm mindset. It's a truly satisfying feeling being okay with change and not having the feeling of my brain taking over my body with negative thoughts the minute something doesn't go as planned. It's simple things such as not being scared when being lost in a train station, flight changes, not understanding a certain language if someone is trying to tell me how to get to a bus stop,  not worrying every time we might get on the wrong metro cause we can always get off and take another, getting lost trying to find a hostel, but being confident enough to ask someone in another language where the heck I am on a map, going out and not feeling overcome by negative thoughts from body dysmorphia. All of these things I was once so worried about I have worked on during these 2 months without even realizing it.

As much as I would love to stay over here, the true test will be going home and putting all I've learned to use and finding the balance at home that I've found during my days here.
I can honestly say getting this chance to go abroad has done more for me than taking classes in a beautiful city or traveling to new and exciting countries pretty much every weekend, but yet it has given me a sense of peace and confidence within myself, something I had been searching for so long. (That may have been the corniest line I have ever written on here, but I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.)

So for my last month here all I can do is live a little "crazier" each day, not dread going home, but embrace the great changes and fun that is yet to come for the future, not get down about having only 10 euro to spend a day (your girl is on a serious budget cause Switzerland wiped out my wallet) and going about things with an open mind and an open heart. This once in a life time opportunity is coming to a close, but mark my words I will be back here, someday soon! Sorry Mom, Europe has my heart.

A Time To Be Thankful.

Logging into FaceBook nowadays has a 50/50 chance of potentially finding out some bad news you never thought imaginable. As I signed into my FB last night I stumbled upon a horrible post, a remembrance post of a girl I once had the pleasure of knowing. I was shocked. Could't move my hand to scroll any further for a solid 5 minutes. A girl one year younger than me had past away, tragically. I'm not sure how, I know little of the passing, but what I do know is that she had so much life within her and so much good to offer in this crazy world. That girl, that smiling, sassy and amazing spit fire was taken far to soon. For the little time I knew her she had one of the best personalities I stumbled upon that summer in 2011. She was someone who you instantly clicked with and you couldn't help but laugh when hearing her contagious laugh. It's almost surreal looking at pictures and seeing posts from hundreds of people remembering good times with her.

How is she gone?

That's life. 

It's a mystery.

One day you are talking to friends, laughing at a snapchat, trying to complete a project due the next day, going to the mall, watching your favorite Netflix show, everything is pretty good. And the next moment, all that is stripped away.  Life can be taken away in an instant, that all it takes, an instant. 

Coming across a tragedy such as thinks makes you think long and hard about all you have in your own life and all you have to be thankful for. 

As I found out the news, I texted my cousin and all we could say to each other is "I love you." Sometimes you just need to remind the ones you love how much you truly care for them. And even on random days, tell your family you love them, text your grandma, text your siblings, always make time for the ones you love because you never know when things can change. You never need a reason to spread love. 

There is little time in this lifetime to have anything but a positive outlook on things. Sure we all get down sometimes, sure we have our bad days where we feel close to nothing, but in the grand scheme of things we are ALL worth something and have a reason and purpose for being on this earth. 

Find that purpose.

Take control of your life and find your happiness.

And hey, don't forget your smile. 

Rest in the sweetest peace Jess, hope heaven opened you with open arms. You will never be forgotten. Fly high. 

So I can't fly home for the weekend?

IT'S COLUMBUS  DAY WEEKEND!!
CANT WAIT TO GO HOME AN-wait...wait..
Oh right I forgot, I'm in Europe. Mhm. Scratch that, looks like I'll be staying in Rome for the weekend.

My first columbus day weekend away from home. Isn't that strange. A year ago today I can clearly remember sleeping at my new house for the first time and being so excited about this new change. I think it was my second time being in the house and I was little overwhelmed by everything.

And now, I sit here in my dorm room thousands of miles away, experiencing a new change called ; Being away from everyone because of Study Abroad.

Don't get me wrong, I knew what I was getting myself into when I entered this program, but it's one thing talking about missing home and a whole other perspective when actually experiencing it during moments like this. I see snapchats, instagrams and those lovely facebook status about how everyone is reuniting with their families for the long weekend and it pulls at the heart strings a little.

I wish I could drive home right now, listen to some country and of course some Ariana Grande for the ride home, open my door and be greeted by my dog who would bark endlessly at me, see my mom running up to hug me and embracing her and not letting her go for about 5 minutes, having my dad be sitting at his computer buying his life away on amazon but realize I was home and give him the biggest bear hug, go upstairs to my room and see my giant stuffed elephant, peanut, that my best friend won for me at a fair and cuddle up into my bed until dinner, have a home cooked meal that my mom made just for me, see some of my high school pals even if it's just for a short time, drive over to my cousins house and watch home videos with her, and then when it would be time to go back to school stop by Dunkin Donuts just to make going back not too too bad.
But the reality of being away is I won't be hugging anyone, I won't be getting to reminisce on home videos and I certainly won't be getting Dunkin donuts. (oh how I miss my new England coffee)

This long weekend will be different no denying that, but I guess thats the price you pay for being able to do a million and one amazing things overseas. So everyone that is home, hug your dog a little tighter, tell your brother or sister you love them, spend some quality time with the family I'm talking a serious game of monopoly shut off the nextflix and actually enjoy each other! Family is all you have to lean back on in this world, so cherish it, because I would give anything to be in your shoes right now.

And as always, don't forget your smile :)

10 Favorites from September

Welcome to October people. What? October already. Snap. Well, I guess we should look back at my top 10 favorite things that I did/bought/became obsessed with during September.

10.) Facebook

I couldn't tell you the last time I have used facebook to this extent, but Facebook has become my second most used app..right next to twitter. Twitter you will always be my first love. I think why I love it so much is because all my pictures are in one place and organized, my family and friends can creep on me, I can talk to my friends on messenger if they don't know how to download whatsapp or viber (you guys really need to figure it out) and it's keeping me connected to America. Shout out to America, you are very missed.

9.) Wine

So I'm not a big Wine drinker, but here wine is all the rage. You can buy a very large bottle for a solid 3 euro and you can't pass up that opportunity. To my surprise, it's actually quiet good for being the cheapest bottle on the planet.

8.) Kikos

No this is not a name of a wanna be frat, but actually the name of possibly my new favorite makeup brand. I was running super low on my foundation so I walked into kiko and my face became magical again. There products are so light, inexpensive, but does the trick. For all those makeup lovers out there, If you ever go to Europe try and find a kiko you will be the happiest person on earth,

7.) Tea

When I tell you I had a huge hatred for tea back at home, you would probably never believe me now. For some strange reason all I have drank over here is tea. WHO AM I. I AM CONFUSED. Once I factimed my mom and she couldn't believe I was drinking tea she had to take about 5 minutes to come to terms with this new sophisticated Ali. Yeah that's right mom, I'm cultured.

6.) The metro

Oh oh oh...the metro. Something I wish was a little easier, but is one of the best forms of transportation. The only form of public transportation I used at home was my car. I don't even think I've been on the metro at home. I'm just a very sheltered child. But the metro here is the bomb.com. At first you think you will never make it on, but you just gotta push bitches out the way like your life depends on it. After that, everything is splendid..expect for smelling like everyones B.O after. But besides all that, I dig it.

5.) New found friends

Could that sound any more corny, yeah it probably could, but I'm over it. I have been lucky enough to have entered a study abroad program with some pretty great people and even luckier to have 4 closer girls to practically travel the world with. We all just somehow click and it's a reassuring feeling have close people here to give you that sense of home, when home is hundreds and thousands of miles away.

4.) Bus2Alps

Making my abroad experience that much better. This crew is the reason I'll be having some pretty sick instas and some life long memories. They take you on a bus to wherever you desire and are your tour guides, that end up becoming your friends, during your excursion. I recently just went to Oktoberfest, one of the best weekends thus far, and it was all thanks to them. I cannot wait to get back on the road with them. You guys rock.

3.) Italian Cuisine

So at first, our chef was serving us fish left and right and I can't say I'm a huge fan of the fishyness in front of me, but soon enough we were a group that enjoyed a nice hardy plate of meat. She has been making some amazing meals, I wish I could cook like her because if I did I would be set for life. The portions here a defiantly smaller, but I've come to realize this is a good thing for the waist line. I needed this.

2.) Being two arms length away from the pope

That's right, the pope and I are homies. We were lucky enough to sit at the papal audience and I was incredibly close to this amazing man. His presence was like any other and it was a little mind blowing being that close to him. It really didn't hit me until a few days later when I was just hanging out in my room and I was like, "hold up...I really just saw THEEEEE POPE."

1.) The moment I boarded the plane

Why is this my favorite moment, why wouldn't this be the least favorite moment??  Leaving all that I know and love behind. Well my friend, here's why. The majority of my life, I have been held back from no one other, but myself. Stepping onto that plane and knowing I wouldn't be returning for 3 and a half months was the scariest but most riveting moment I had in September.  From that moment, I proved to myself I was more independent than I thought and there was no time to over thinking what I was doing, it was all or nothing. And from that simple flight over to the other side of the world I have done more than I could ever imagined and have changed for only the better in my eyes. It's only a month in, but I know there is still so much more to come.


So there it is. The top 10 snazziest times in September.


Bring it on October.

Here is where I am 90% of my time.
TWITAH
follow if u want ...its cool if you do. okay. bi.

A New Decade in A New World

So....I'm back. HEY.

I was stumbling upon my old bookmark tabs and came across this old friend. I can't believe all my posts are still here! I think it's been about 1 or 2 years since I've written on this. I don't really have an excuse as to why I stopped writing, but a lot has certainly changed.

For starters..IT'S MUHHH BIRTHDAY BITCH! Yeah that is right. I am out of the teens and into my adult years (for real) now. 19 you were cool, but 20, this is gonna be good. Sure I am 1 year away from being legal, but to me life is more than having a legal drink or two, it's about truly living and finding some purpose here (deep shit, I know.)

This past year has been one that combines too many words to even say. I started out 19 the same way I feel any 19 year old would. Happy to have made it to another birthday, happy to say I was almost 20, happy to just be getting birthday wishes from all the ones I loved. But 19 was going to be a year far from any other, little did I know it was the year that I certainly needed to be where I am today. 

It all sounds silly I'm sure, but I had one of my biggest downfalls during 19. I completely lost touch with who I was and got distracted from where I wanted to go. It was as if I had no purpose for myself and began doubting every move I had. Whether it was what I was going to wear to class or how I was going to conduct myself in an interview, I couldn't seem to find any sort of balance for myself. I was at a low point that no one should ever feel. I was so indebted into wondering about the things I couldn't control, I ended up losing control of my own thoughts and went into this downward spiral. After multiple nights of horrible panic attacks, what seemed to be endless therapy sessions and long "life talks" with my dad that always ended up with me being a puddle of tears, I realized I could no longer live my life the way I was living. But in turn, I needed this low to understand what is was going to be like to experience so many highs. From that day on I started focusing on what it meant to truly live. To truly be thankful for the people and the opportunities around us. To be happy for all the moments that are happening in the now. Being so caught up in the future and the whys and the what ifs' really took a toll on me. But I can proudly say I can now focus on, what I like to call "my current chapter of life," rather than skipping all the way to the end of the book.

After figuring what meant most to me, I started to see all the good I had to offer and all the things I wanted to accomplish in this world. I hadn't been confident like that in a long time. I started going to the gym. Eating right. Taking the time to care about myself more than I ever had. Mending relationships. Understanding my past and why I had these negative connotations. 

It was a new me. 

Something that really helped me get to a level of "self satisfaction" was meeting an amazing friend, who started out as a stranger, I guess like all friends do, but our way of meeting was a bit different than others. She could not have been put into my life at any other time than when it happened. She was exactly the type of person I needed to understand so many things and hear things from another point of view. We clicked instantly and were practically each others life lines at the job we worked at during this past summer. Her and I are now best friends and it's not often you find friendships like the one we were blessed with.  (the ginger ale to my pink lemonade forever. ha yes. we are about 6 years old. its fine) 

So for me. 19 was needed. I lost some people, I met some amazing ones, I moved to a new house that makes my parents happy every single day, I'm working everyday to achieve my goal weight, I try and think positive about all the situations I am put into before getting lost in a panic attack, I found myself again.

..and oh yeah..I happened to be living in Rome this semester.

I am currently living in Rome (ahhhh like what???) yes it's true. 

I made this decision for myself because I knew I was very comfortable with what my life was becoming and I wanted to find myself being more independent and what better way to do that than live in another country away from all of my friends and family! This is proving to be the best decision because I am finally feeling free, but learning so much and doing things on my own that I never thought possible. I am having the time of my life over here and whenever I get down or upset that I'm not with my friends or with my family I remind myself that I know this is what best for me at this point in my life. I can't truly explain everything, but  hopefully I've done my best.  If any of my friends or family read this, THANK YOU. Thank you for your support for encouraging me even when I have no faith in myself. I'm doing everything to make you proud. 

But for now I have made it to 20. Who knows what it will bring. But I am ready for change, adventure, heart break, love and some life lessons what ever they may be.

19, thank you for a year that I needed most and 20, lets see whatcha got. 

happy birthday to me:) and to many more.

Thanks for reading everyone and oh yeah,  don't forget your smile:)

Inspired By You.

(Late night thoughts= deep blog post. Oh snap)


I think most people nowadays are looking for something to fill voids within them. Something inside us is simply lacking and we constantly crave the desire to fill whatever this "thing" inside us is. Where do we go? What do we turn to? Who do we turn to? For me, I'm constantly searching, constantly trying to understand what it is that I'm looking for. I always seem to think I'm on the right track, but then I seem to find myself back at square one time and time again. I'm currently in New York visiting my brother and got to watch his basketball game. After the game my family and I were in the car and suddenly my brother became very down on himself. He said he was at a point with basketball where he didn't know how much more he could take of his quote on quote "mistakes." I never knew how much he was struggling with this because he always puts on this front and acts like everything is okay. To me, he's doing great with basketball, he's always putting in the extra time and literally draining himself to the point of complete exhaustion just to "get better." When I looked over at him and saw the pain in his eyes, right there my heart just broke.  My brother over the years has become my best friend.  Whether  he knows it or not he's one of my biggest role models. When I see him succeed I want to make myself better. When I see him conquer what I think is the "impossible" I can't help but smile. And when I see him lacking that spirit and drive he always portrays, I can't help but get a little down too.  My dad, being the "picker uper he is" chimed in with "Nick you don't even know how much of an inspiration you are, you gotta keep going, don't give up." It's true, I don't think he even comprehends how much he inspires others and that's something I admire about him. He truly inspires me, every single day. And it hit me, I don't need one certain thing to fill this so call void, it's just about finding that inspiration in your life and motivating yourself and others around you to make your dreams into reality, to find that happiness I guess you could call it. Maybe I'm just pulling an Oprah moment over here, but to me this all somehow makes sense. Inspiration is all around us, but it's up to us to open our eyes and truly see what we can become. Although, we all may feel empty sometimes, lack that self-confidence, or think we're not worth it, if you choose to dig deep enough and look for that inspiration around you, you'll see you're not really lost, you're just on your way to finding who/what you're truly worth. I got out of the car and held in my tears, but as soon as I hugged him I became a human waterfall. I didn't wanna let him go.  Since we're both away at college now, the times I see him are limited so saying goodbye to him every time is hard, but tonight was especially difficult. It was one of those brother/sisterly moments I can't  explain, but it was nice how he didn't really wanna let me go either. There was a time in my life where I honestly thought we would never be close or ever be able to bond, but these past 5 or so years have been eye openers and he's been there every step of the way with that wacky smile and some hard core advice that makes you think until you're brain hurts. I'm not sure if he knows what he's done for me, but besides being a great brother hes a true inspiration and a friend, a best friend that anyone would be lucky to have. What else could I ask for? Not much. Thank you Nick. I love you.

I HAVE A YOUTUBE?!?!

HELLO THERE PEEPS

Way way way back in the day I started a youtube channel. Starting the channel had been something I wanted to do for quite sometime. I don't know why I enjoy it. Talking to a camera about whatever whenever and then editing it to make it all fancy is actually fun for me. Weird, right? Yes, I'm aware, but it is what it is. Im cool with it:)

I really want to make Youtube a full time priority in my life. I think it would be a great experience, something cool and exciting that not a lot of people do. I know though it takes awhile to grow a channel, but I'm willing to stick it out and do what I gots to do to make my channel successful.

So if you happen to come across my Youtube feel free to check out all my weird videos, like and maybe spread the word about it? THAT WOULD MAKE ME ONE HAPPY GAL.

I'll even give you the link...

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2xh9N346cKUmu6--mIciqQ
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2xh9N346cKUmu6--mIciqQ
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2xh9N346cKUmu6--mIciqQ
WHOOOP DER IT IS.
THIS BE MY CHANNEL.
Even copy and pasted it 3 times incase...well I don't know why I did, I just, did.


But in all seriousness, thank you for helping me out I truly appreciate. Everyones journey starts somewhere and I'm glad mines starting right here and now (wow totally went troy and gabrelella on you)

Have an awesome day everyone!
Don't Forget Your Smile.
-Ali xoxo